(Halftime. The team owner, coach, and players are in the locker room.)
Coach: (to players) “Guys… we’re going to have to put in a better effort in the second half, if we want to have a chance to win this game.”
Owner: “What are you talking about? I think these guys are playing very, very well… and the game is going very, very good. We got this one in the bag.”
Coach: (bewildered) “Sir… how can you say that? We’re getting thoroughly drubbed, 40-0.”
Owner: “That is Fake News! The scoreboard guys have never liked me… the numbers on the scoreboard are inflated. The game announcers have never liked me either.”
Coach: (incredulous) “Umm… they are scoring on us at will, sir.”
Owner: “I don’t see that. I see us winning this battle. That’s what I’m all about… winning.”
(Coach signs in resignation)
Coach: (to players) “I noticed some of you aren’t wearing your helmets out on the field. You need to put those on.”
Player A: “No! I will not have my rights violated by being forced to wear a helmet! It violates my constitutional rights!”
Coach: “It’s for your own good. Some of our guys have already been carted off the field.”
Player B: “That’s what they want us to think, Coach. Actually, the injuries are fake and have been staged. The medics, refs, and even some of the players are in on it.”
Coach: (exasperated) “We’re fighting each other out there over the helmets. COVID is taking advantage of this!”
Coach: “Look guys… we’re not gonna win this game unless we start playing as a team. We can’t have guys running around doing whatever they please. We either play as a team or we’re going to lose this game.”
Owner: “I don’t like the message you’re spreading, Coach. You’re making me look bad. The game is going very, very well… and the players are playing very, very good.”
Coach: “Sir… we’re doing the best we can here, but we weren’t ready for COVID. We’ve never faced an opponent like them before and frankly, we were overconfident. We didn’t practice enough, and we didn’t take them seriously. To be honest sir… you yourself downplayed them from the very beginning. You said they posed no danger… and look at us now.”
Owner: “And whose fault is that? It’s not MY fault. It’s the fault of the previous owner. He should have left us prepared for COVID. It’s also YOUR fault, Coach. It’s YOUR fault if we lose.”
Coach: “Other teams have beaten COVID and they did so because they played together as a team.” (addressing team) “Now men… we need to get back out there, and everyone needs to wear their helmet. We also need to listen to the assistant coaches on the sidelines and follow the playbook.”
Owner:“I’m going back up to the owner’s box. I need to reassure everyone I’m making this team great again.”