I guess this will be my second blog article about ESPN in less than two weeks. The first one was to talk about two pet peeves of mine with SportsCenter. One is the advent of wannabe comedians as sports commentators, and the other is SportCenter’s fixation on the basketball dunk for their Top Ten Plays of the Day segment.
Well… it looks like I have another pet peeve with ESPN that I cannot ignore.
Earlier today I turned on the TV set and it just happened to be tuned in to ESPN. What was being broadcast just flabbergasted me. They were showing none other than the (excuse my snicker) National College Cornhole Championship. I’ll just let that sink in a little bit. The… National… College… Cornhole… Championship.
To anyone unfamiliar with cornhole, that giant among televised sports, it consists basically of tossing hand-sized beanbags at a board with a circular hole cutout, trying to get the beanbag in the hole. Something vaguely similar to tossing horseshoes, if anyone is familiar with that other pastime.
Now, I’ve got nothing against cornhole as a “fun” pastime for a picnic and a cooler full of beer on the side. It probably didn’t take a whole lot of thought to come up with that one. Basically all you need is a tilted wooden board with a hole cutout, and some beanbags. Anybody can play the game, regardless of age and physical shape.
But to see it on ESPN as a national college championship?? Anyway, here is a short video which will graphically illustrate a cornhole competition, with some colorful commentating on the side.
It gets worse than cornhole, though. The ultimate, “must-see-TV”, king of all sports is ESPN’s coverage of the World Series of Poker. Yes… poker, the card game. ESPN regularly televises these poker championships, which is kind of like televising a Grass Growing National Championship where you and several neighbors compete to see whose grass grows the fastest.
There are some games/sports (depending on your view) regularly televised on ESPN which at least require some corporal movement, such as bowling and pool. I have heard arguments against having those televised, because they do not constitute sports. One could make an argument either way on both of those. But poker?? Ok… cornhole does require a minimal swing of the arm to give the beanbag the proper trajectory to get in the hole. I suppose we’ll soon have a barrage of statistics telling us things like release angle and apex height.
I actually began the article to make fun of cornhole “championships” as a legitimate and television-worthy (cough) “sport.” But cornhole is both football and hockey combined, when compared to poker. To think that there is actually an entire program on ESPN devoted to watching guys play cards. Something I wouldn’t do in person unless drugged, and tied down with a gun to my head.
This appears to be a trend. Take a popular pastime, regardless how passive or effortless, and make it into some type of competition complete with leagues, uniforms, sponsors, and championships. Then televise it, and give it some sort of grandiose name.
The World Series of Clothes Folding… The Hot Dog Eating Championships… oh wait… that one already exists! How could I forget that other ultimate sport… that test of human endurance… that riveting competition full of drama, and twists and turns. Yes… how else to spend an afternoon than to watch two or three guys eating as many hot dogs as they can in the shortest amount of time. And here I’ve been wasting all these years watching football, baseball, and boxing. The thing about hot dog eating contests is that contestants are interviewed about their preparation, their technique, their mindset, etc. They almost make it sound like a real sport.
I’m sure I could find more, but I must go now. I have to work on my techniques for taking out the trash, and be ready just in case I get spotted by some scout for the Trash Taking-Out Champions League.